我最近的心灵声音。。。

我渐渐感觉。。
随着每一天的心灵地图走着的我，
感到身体与心灵，
所累积的疲累。。
我真的好累，
我的心好乱， 感受到它好紧绷，
好难受。。
我好想哭，真的好想哭，
但是因认为哭是一种脆弱的表现与自尊高的我。。
我不会让自己哭。。
友情越久，
越让对方更接近自己的心灵，
我越害怕越担心，
担心自己在相处的时候是否在动作与表达做错什么
害怕被对方觉得我人很烦，害怕被抛弃。。
我正个人扑满负面的想法，
心灵充满的是恐惧与增扎。。
我好累。。
我能怎样才如何让我生命的旅途从黑暗里找出一片平静的世界，
一种拥有平静的蓝天与大自然的世界。。？
一天又一天，拥有一位爱人与一位真心朋友的渴望越来越大，
渴望他们能接纳与接受我这种人，
会让我感到在一起时，
是很舒服的，
不需带着假面具相处，
没有比较的内容，
我不需每刻带着害怕与担的心情相处，
不会害怕我哭，
反而会开大双手给与我在安全的怀抱里哭出我已收场许久的悲伤。。
何时。。？

This are my buddies, we kinda get along very well eventhough its juz a small periods of 2 years we are together in the same class.
In this gang of ours theres, kim sun (always play the leader role, jeez he's one hard person to understand...) and his small armies: "Wai Bin" you can say he's ks secretary, "Hong Yeh" (whisper: he boy or a gal a?), "Jun Xiong" he not with us already as he has transferred to a better school, but we still will arrange to meet him time to time, he's kinda cool ^^, "Wei Jian" d intelligent among us, "Jing Yu", erm...the craziest among us, "Yong Sheng" d intelligent also, very quiet person, " Chun Yao " one who cares very much about how his hair looks ^^ always ask me is it looking nice? is it messy? if its messy he sure ask me to make his hair lol, his appearance can be describe as cute ^^, "guo pin" he's a mixture of cool and cute, erm i dunno bout him, he change gang i think... so i dunno if he still takes us as his gang?, "zhen an"...swt...he is a mixture of depression, sadness? we are really good friends, for he really trusts me in his problems...he finds me to talk bout it time to time...(almost every weekend!?)...we fought too...and he has a gf!!! swt... i wonder when i can get 1 bf? "Wei Young" he is a "snake mouth" mixture of "friendly"...and lastly me, "wenyi" with the nick they gave "octopus miang"...swt i am a mixture of "adiction to xxx" and "d only gal in the group"...its cool for me and i am really proud to be one and only gal in the gang...for its kinda special to me ^^ really special...for they include me in evrything, including playing in the field, outtings, and many things, i think its because i am bit boyish, i dun really know fesyen all those stuff, and i wasn't really into gossips..so i couldn't get in to other gangs that was available, there is :"beauty gang", "gossip gang" "girly gang" ...swt...i did try to get in..but i was kick out so...finally i found one that suits me, and eventhough we are all seperate but we held reunions and outting time time...so its really fun, but i did change in this year, as i met some gals and get along by listening to them and chatting...but i really wan a " study gang ", hope to find 1 soon, coz i really wan 1 study group! ^^
So, i really hope that my friendships with others can be really good in everyways! Gambateh!!! I hope i can have a happy school life before my graduation nxt year ^^!!! Gambateh!!!

A Side Of My Beauty!?

Lol...i think you can say this is a "side" of my beauty...If you look at my whole person in a pic you won't think i am what i am in this pic...you wud throw ur head behind and say "OMG, Is this her? I thought she wud look more beautiful and skinner ^^ lol..." ^^ So don't get cheated by this pic ^^
For me...it was a really long time before i realize that i want to be beautiful instead of an ugly me, it takes a real long time before i realize it...by the time i realize i was already a 80kg beauty ^^ haha... but it was never to late !!! haha, i am juz 17 so i can gambateh become leng lui... ^^ haha...muz really gambateh...swt...push away foods, more exercise... ...gambateh...
i once told someone i will let them see me become another amber chia...lol...^^
Long ago i wud have said i wanna break d record and bcome sumo ^^....
but now...beauty is important...you can have boys falling for you, date a nice fella, have a nice carreer, ppl dun look down on you, and hey you become more active, and healthy !!! That's what i wan, a life of healthiness to savour the world have to give until i say sayonara to my body and left for d heavens... lol ^^ So every fat beautys in the world let us all hold hands and become a beauty like amber chia ... ^^ lol...GAMBATEH, AND REMEMBER, THERE IS NEVER TOO LATE IN OUR DICTIONARY!!! NEVER!!!

这首歌说明了女生对一位男生暗恋了六年，他们是很要好的朋友，女生在这六年没表达过她所藏的感情。。。暗恋了那么多年，有一天，男方却说要离开追求梦想，但不舍得离开，因为男生暗恋了一位女生好久了，但那位女生却不是他。。。
在这首歌里头我真的觉得暗恋一个人真的很累。。。很辛苦，很累。。。虽说不是暗恋了六年，但看回头已经四年了。。。楚楚真的很不明白为何自己从那么的一天开始逃避他，只是因为他做了那么的小小的动作，让我有种莫名奇妙的感觉，只应为他那么小小的动作，我就不知不觉每次想逃避他，真的很害怕。。。楚楚真的不知道为何。。。但时间过了一段时间慢慢了解这是一种感觉。。。我真的很累，逃避到好累，我真的很不想再继续逃避了。。。我真的很辛苦很累。。。但是，这是我自己所搞成这样，本来好好的，本来我们是能沟通的，是朋友， 但因为我开始的逃避变成我们不是朋友，连正常的沟通也成了一种问题。。。我真的不知道如何。。。真的很。。。累。。。今年很幸运能同班，认为我能尝试再次和他从新做个朋友， 每一天都想去学校，想说明天会有机会跟他相处，但楚楚所认为这幸运老天爷的安排在那么的几个星期变成一种悲伤。。。我真的没想到。。。他既然有了女朋友，他的女朋友真的很可爱。。。我的心真的很痛。。。但坚强的我从很久以前下定决心不会为这种事流泪，因为对我来说是一种脆弱的表现。。。我真的很辛苦很累，每天都很想见到他，每天都想偷偷往一往他，想在他眼前表现的比较正常一点，。。。慢慢我觉得自己很白痴。。。这几年我真的象个白痴一样。。。我慢慢想要讨厌他， 我并不是讨厌他而是讨厌自己变得那么的白痴，因为我不能面对是我自己造成自己变得那么的白痴。。。看到他和女朋友在一起真的让我真的很痛。。。但慢慢我把自己的感情压住在内心里把它送去一个很暗的地方，我把我对他的感觉麻痹掉。。。因为我实在忍受不住这种一撕一撕的痛，又辛苦又累的感觉。。我变得不想上课， 有的不用去上课，就不去上课，有的逃课就逃，（但不是很多时候啦，我可是个很乖的女生叻！），因为我真的不想要待在可以遇到他的地方。。。我真的真的很累了。。。

STUPID FOOLS WHO DUNNO HOW TO RESPECT OTHERS POLICY!!!

I hate them…gosh…GOD DAMN IT!!!
How can they…!?
Are they deaf…!?
Are they stubborn…!?
For so many times…so many times…I reminded them…giving chances…again and again…y…!?
I TRUSTED them…trusted them that they will not touch or rummage my things WITHOUT MY PERMISSION…I trusted them!!! But they BETRAYED my trust…
I will never ever trust them again…no second chance…NO!!!
You Bitches are really BITCHESS!!!
NO BRAINS!!! DEAF PERSON!!! CAN’T EVEN PUT SOMETHING SIMPLE INTO YOUR STUPID TAUFU HEADS!!!
YOU get A’s all over your paper but wat god damn A’s you BITCHES can get from me!!!
BITCH!!! @#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*(%^&*(
You noe wat is my feeling now…full of hatred…HATREDS!!! I wanna BEAT UP someone!!!! I WANNA HIT THINGS!!!...DAMN!!! This feelings... is so DAMN UNBEARABLE!!!... There even a SORRY when I found out the TRUTH…juz SMILE!!! I understand…That is what we always so call BITHES, RIGHT!?

A Movie Of My Imagination, A Song Of My Dreams

This Movie title is called Hana Yori Dango. Its a Japanese version of Taiwan Meteor Garden. Its one lively movie you won't want to miss. You can also say it's a version of "Cinderella", but the Cinderella and the Prince Charming have to go through so many misunderstandings, so many conflicts, so many love love before they " really " get to be together...^^" When I was watching...i always says finally and end, huh? some more!? I faint right away...my spirit when away from my body...haha... For me my favourite guy among the Four Flower will me Domyouji ^^...He has one cute character < kawaii > and he's so cool...i like how he walks, how he wear, for be he's the most handsome person among the Four Flower...^^ hope i get to meet him one day...haha...it wouldn't hurt to get a one day deto from him ^^ haha...

For the song...haha...i wanna master it as soon as possible, as once i get to sing this song < I get those electric feelings once i hear this song > I can become a singer < whistle > ^0^

Pls...Pls...I can't bear it anymore...

I need some rest baby...i need some hug baby...i am so damn tired...pls...pls...

I am desperate...

I want time for me:

to be alone

to do what I want to do,

to be in a peaceful state without worries without anything to disturb me,

Baby, give me a hug baby,

give me ur shoulder to lean on baby,

I need ur warmth baby,

I need u...

These are my buddiess ^^...

There's some more...

but current life is so hectic...

and we were all split up...

so...causes us a rare meeting time to time...

I thank them for I have created happy memories with them...

I thank them for accepting me ad their buddiess, always asking me for tea and outting but i always drew the plane away for having a very protective mum...

Thanks buddiess

Keep In Touch!!!

~Me~....

~Me~

~Me~

I am Me~

Me is I~

I Love me~

I Love I~

~Hehe~

Tired...So Damn Tired... I need Some Peace In My Mind

I Fall In Love With Someone, someone that is under a sweet relationship...unavailable..it is so damn painful, so damn tiring...This Feeling is Killing me, for god damn sake...I can't bear this pain, I can't bear this feeling...My mind is so damn messy, so damn confuse,...I can't think properly...I ...Damn!!!
I am now searching, searching, looking for a relationship...I am so desperate...so desperate...for 1... damn...